A time i wish i never have to relive

Evening all, i know its been a while since i last wrote but things have been very hectic! on october 10th i picked my daughter up to realise she was pretty ill. i rushed her to the hospital as any mother would do when their child is usually extremely healthy! they took her straight to resuscitation, her temperature was at an astounding 41 degrees. At that point she went into an absent seizure, my daughter lying lifeless in my arm while everyone rushed round about her. i knew she was seriously ill but no-one was telling me what was wrong or what was going on. it was hell. To my shock, she was discharged 2 hour later!! 

when we got home she went to sleep, after that she slept for the rest of the day! that night she was rushed back into hospital, they checked her over, brought her temperature back down and again, discharged her the next morning! 

3 days of hell

From the morning she was discharged she fell asleep and from the next 3 days on she slept. over all she slept for 100 hours without wakening properly. Within that space of time she had a home visit from her doctor who said just keep doing what im doing with the calpol and ibuprofen and that it was just a bad virus. i was not happy. My child had slept for 72 hours by this point, not eaten not drank anything no toilet business at all!! this was not right in my eyes so i didn’t settle. i knew there was something more serious. and on the 3rd night she woke! i was so happy! words could not express my joy at my baby girl waking up! but things very quickly went down hill. she could not speak, her eyes were squint and just minutes later she fell back asleep. just an hour later i felt her fontanel, it was swollen so much. i knew instantly then what was wrong but i talked myself out of worst case scenario, i kept calm. we wrapped her in blankets as it was 1 in the morning. We got her into the car and we left. we took her straight to the sick children hospital and she was seen immediately. 

the diagnosis

They took us in to the treatment room where they done her sats. Her blood pressure was so high she was barely responsive and limp. This for any parent is your worst nightmare. we had been seen by doctors, consultants and nurses and 2 hospitals! i kept asking myself “how did it get to this”

The doctor entered the room and done a lot of tests, blood tests mainly. And at that point thats when i said to him, “i know whats wrong, she has meningitis doesn’t she?” his response to me was to wait till the results came back but it was looking very like meningitis. hearing those words over in my head slowly killed me a little bit more inside, how did this happen? how did they miss this?!

They took us along to a special room made us as comfortable as possible and we just had too wait! we tossed and turned and cried and then got hysterical and then calmed down and then cried a little more. what felt like hours later a very small quiet little man came in to see us… 

“my name is doctor chowdry. im the director paediatrician for scotland and will be dealing with this case.”

director paediatrician for scotland? the highest consultant in the whole country? just how serious is this? 

as you can imagine we had a great deal of questions. but our main question to doctor chowdery were: how serious is this? and whats going to happen next?

“i can’t lie to you or sugar coat this, your daughter is seriously ill, we are looking at a 5% maybe 10% chance of survival at the moment, she will be taken for an immediate brain scan now and we will determine how much fluid is in the brain, and determine how we will treat her.”

So little survival rate? this was beginning to feel like a very bad nightmare!! i wish i could have woken up and realise it was all just a horrible mess of a dream but unfortunately this was real, “how am i going to cope? i can’t do this? my baby?” questions screamed in my head but my mouth was numb, i couldn’t speak or breath. i was numb! 

the brain scan

They took us down in the big noisy silver lift, they briefed us on what they were going to do and she wouldn’t feel a thing. we had to wait outside. i could hear her whimpering, i was slowly falling in to a pit of despair. By the point i was beginning to lose the will to live. “why was this happening to us?” “i love her more than life itself”.

15 minutes later the consultant came out, he explained to us that there was a lot of swelling and pressure in the brain which meant they couldn’t do the lumber puncture. they needed to do this to determine what exactly it was we were faced with and dealing with. or thats what they thought. 

the waiting game

They took us back up to our room where they settled us in again. The nurses came in took more blood and put her on her drips. They were medicating her for viral and bacterium meningitis and put her on a saline drip too. 2 hours later the consultant came back. He sat down on hour bed. the words “im so sorry to have to tell you this” came out his mouth. i sank in the bed, hoping and despairing that a big black hole would just swallow me up. 

“we are dealing with meningitis, we still don’t know 100% what type yet but her blood results came back, we do not need to do a lumber puncture as its shown that 93% of her blood is infected. all we can do just now is wait until we can identify exactly what kind and treat it correctly but she has both antidotes going through her just now so hopefully it will kick in soon”

We sat and just stared at her, we cried for hours and hours, we never slept. my question was ” if this doesn’t work what else can we do?” his response to us was brutal, he made us aware that if this doesn’t work, nothing would. she was on the strongest level of antibiotics possible. it was 90% domestos going through her. she smelt like bleach! “how did this happen.” i was angry, destroyed and hurting more than words could explain! 

And now it was another waiting game… the next day they came in and told us it was bacterium. “was she going to lose limbs? sight? hearing? was she ever going to be our normal healthy baby again?” Atlas now they could treat her properly and efficiently couldn’t they? it was just a waiting game! it was all just a waiting game! what was going to happen next? so many questions but so little answers.

We paced for days, feeling helpless and wrecked as we watched her lying lifeless. nurses in and out every 2 hours checking her, more medicines, more bloods and more sats. i just wanted to take her home! i wanted my daughter back! how did so many professionals miss this!! 

the 3rd day!

I just wanted to hear her we voice, it was killing me. i was just a shadow of the woman i used to be. i was a walking lifeless body. and then i heard it. i was lying n the bed, gordon lying with his head on her cot bed “gornon” i sat bolt upright! was i dreaming? i saw him, a tear rolling down his cheek. Then it was again “gornon, momma” NO WAY!!! i ran over to her side, as she turned her head and gave me the tiniest of smiles, “momma”. MY BABY WAS TALKING!! 

up until this point we had no idea the damage, if she would ever even wake up, never mind walk or talk or see! And then suddenly the sun came out! Was she back? 

As the nurses kept telling us we still had a long way to go yet. But we had hope now. a slight glimmer of the light at the end of the tunnel. 

For the next few days she progressed and got better and better! My worst fears were slowly beginning to look hopeful. she began to talk to us again, focus on things. Our consultant came in and told us that she was a miracle. she was only the forth child in britain in the last 4 years to contract ‘niseria meningiteri’ and only the second to survive. 

3 days later

The consultant came in, and to much of our surprise the words came out his mouth “your going home in 2 days”

i was hysterical! i was getting my baby home! she had made a miraculous recovery! astounding! i had never felt so proud or happy or over joyed in my life! our nightmare has almost come to an end!! What felt like years on his now was only a week passed! 


WE ARE GETTING HOME!! the nurses came in took out her canulas checked her over and discharged us! No lasting damage, she’s a miracle. 

the road to recovery

After getting her home, she had to learn to walk again, she was very weak and wobbly but within a couple of weeks she was running around again. She still tires very quickly and still has off days but to think what she’s been through thats to be expected! she was on deaths door, not even 2 weeks previous they were telling us the likely hood of her surviving! 

She still has to go for rehabilitation classes at the hospital and hearing and eye tests but so far everything looks normal. i could not express my pain in the past experiences. no parent should have to go through any illness with there child let alone something so serious. it was horrific. i Cant thank the nurses and consultants of the sick children ward for all their attentiveness and care for both me and gordon and also my daughter. They were wonderful! 

And especially our doctor, he has came to visit us on a regular basis and has kept a very close eye on her now, he makes an appearance every now and again to see her progress. He also calls regularly and never once had my daughter or us out his mind. What a fabulous doctor to have in our practice!

My daughter showed no signs of meningitis until it was almost to late, if you are ever concerned ask for a blood test. She almost died from such a deadly decease as it was undetectable. Meningitis isn’t always a rash or physical signs. sometimes its lying in there undetectable taking over your body without even awareness. She is a miracle and will always be the strongest little human being to fight this! its a killer don’t hesitate to ask for more extensive tests if you feel its just not right. YOU KNOW BEST!! life for us will never be the same again as i will always be over cautious now! Once you see the rash, the squint eyes or the swollen fontanel more cases than not its to late. never ever hesitate!

My message to all mothers and fathers out there is that if you are ever in doubt at all, don’t hesitate, sometimes something so trivial as a virus can become so serious in the matter of hours and even if you feel like your being a pest Your not! You know best. Don’t ever settle for something your not sure on! a second or even a 3rd opinion is better than loosing life. 

Hope you enjoy this blog and i hope that in the future my story can save lives. i apologies for it being so long!

if you have any questions or advise you’d like to know, please just comment bellow and i will respond as accurately as i can. god bless.

are mums to fabulous these days

do mums spend too much time looking glamorous than entertaining the kids?

Good morning fellow bloggers! today i am on “are mums too glamorous?”

i would love to be one of these mums that always has their nails hair and make up looking fabulous, but i just don’t have time! how do they do it?

you see it on instagram and facebook and on the internet, all these famous celeb mummies looking amazing all the time and i think to myself. how the hell do they do it? at the most i manage to get my hair brushed never mind putting on a full face!

when i go out i like to look good, so i do my hair an my make up. but in the house or living day-to-day i rarely even brush my hair. i throw it up in a pony tail or a bauble and that’s me ready. do these mums do anything other than get ready? 

you see them on the school run at 9am and they have heels and fancy clothes and fancy cars and their hair and make up on point and then there is me, lol! i have my hair messily thrown together, trainers on and some sort of tracksuit or leggings. could someone please tell me how they do it?

i struggle to even get my make up looking nice i’m in that much of a hurry. i have housework and little monster running wild. i also have meals to cook,washing to do, tesco trips and constant clean up going on that i barely even look in a mirror. 

do these mums have like nannies and cleaners and cooks and make up and hair people that come in everyday and do it for them? i sure would love that! 

are you a glamorous mum?

are you a sloppy looking mum that has no time for looking fabulous?

please tell me what you think!!

dating an older man!

Ok so i’m writing a blog about my relationship. in the last couple of months we have caused an outburst. haha! my man is a lot older than me but news just in? it works for us!

most of the people around us love him and are happy with our relationship, they love to see me happy. and others… not so much!

so the question is, why do woman date older men? 

statistics have proven that the main reason woman date men older than them is for security. older men have their shit together pretty much. they have life experience. and they care and dote on you so much more than the average 20-something. they feel privileged to have a ‘younger woman’ on their arm. They tend to look at you differently, they look at you with so much love and passion all the time and they will always have a smile on their face while walking hand in hand around with you. They are bursting with pride all the time. And not afraid to show you off!

here is me and my man!!


There are 101 more reasons why older men are more attractive and appealing for younger woman, yes all 20-something guys can be fun and exciting but older men are more stable, they have everything sorted and their not into messing around, if they want you, they want you. not you and as many others as they can. they want just you.

might i add that in the bedroom it is just mind-blowing with an older man. sometimes experience isn’t even the root of why the sex is so good. i think personally it’s because, instead of a quickie or a meaningless romp, its passionate and meaningful and just so god damn good. so as far as it goes for their soldier not being able to rise to the occasion, this is absolute garbage! sometimes they are better performers than your average 20-something guy. i have never had feelings like this before or felt so good about myself! nor have i ever been this happy! everything is just perfect. dating an older man is just fabulous! 

what works for some, may not work for others but as long as you are happy then why bother what people think? whats the point in worrying about what 1 or 2 people say or think when you are happy?

my man works abroad, so not only is there and age gap there is also a gap in seeing each other. he’s away for 6-8 weeks and back for 4. 

long distance, does it work?

Again what might work for you may not work for someone else. it is all about your personal life alone. in my eyes it only makes you appreciate each other more. when they are home everything’s amazing. the dates, the spending time together and the sex is mind-blowing. Because you go so long without that intimate passion that when they come home its as much as possible and as often as possible. and its so intense and loving and it just feels so good.

so that’s my opinion on dating and older man. i don’t care what anyone else thinks because he makes me burst with happiness and the majority of the people surrounding me love and adore him so that’s enough for me.

if you were to ask me, id recommend dating an older guy any day!!

i hope you enjoy reading this!

if you have an input on the relationships between a younger woman and an older man feel free to comment bellow!

#2! you think he doesn’t find you pretty

when a guy really loves you he will show you everyday and remind you everyday that he finds you beautiful. however this guy will never tell you

ok so here is part 2, the love guru has stated that he doesn’t love you enough if he never tells you all these things. like your beautiful and your sexy and pretty. to be fair he probably has a point here. you are with someone because they bring you up. they make you smile, they make you happy they are always making you aware that they appreciate you. i know my man does.

us woman are a pain when it comes to this crap, we are always looking for reassurance always asking daft questions like ” do you love me?” ” how much?” “do you find e irresistible?” but this is only because we are all self-conscious. this drives our men daft. 

but in the recent years all these love gurus and sex therapist issue out all these things like this that i am writing on. this is only based on statistics. every person is different and every relationship is unique in their own way. so how can these specialists really guide you?

do they cause more trouble than do good?

i recon it puts doubts in men and women’s heads when they are just sitting reading pointless magazines and blogs on relationships and how they should be and how your sex life works, they start questioning their own. you could be perfectly happy and then all of a sudden your reading a gurus blog that states if he doesn’t tell you he loves you every minute of the day, he doesn’t love you enough. or if he says he’s fine but you think there is something wrong and he doesn’t elaborate then he doesn’t love you enough. and then you go home over thinking every thing and analysing every thing your other half does and boom there is a confrontation over something so ridiculous that probably would never have crossed your mind if you hadn’t picked up that magazine or opened that link. but because you think these people know best you go with what they say rather than taking it with a pinch of salt and going on your day-to-day business as usual. 

at the end of the day you know best about your relationship. these things are written as a broad spectrum done by unreliable statistics. to live and lead a happy relationship, base it on you two alone not everyone else or anyone else who thinks they know best because behind closed doors its just you and them and only you know what goes on. stay happy!

please tell me what you think? comment bellow!!

relationship- do specialists paint an unrealistic view of relationships? part 1

i found myself reading one of those nonsense links on facebook last night about relationships. prompting lots of random questions to gordon (my boyfriend). 

6 signs he doesn’t love you enough.

rubbish right? or wrong? so the first one was

he ignores you

now what i cant work out is why you are even questioning your relationship if your other half ignores you? would you not soon realize that it wasn’t working if your being ignored? i wouldn’t stick around for that. would you?

but here’s the love gurus reasons!

This love guru reckoned that if he doesn’t text you back or answer your calls he doesn’t love you. he might be busy? or could he be fed up? he then reckoned that if you ask him if hes OK his reply being fine thanks or yes i’m fine he doesn’t love you enough. now i’m not being funny here but how many of you women out there struggle getting a full blown conversation out of your hubbies? that’s what your girl friends are for, their for your gossip your whinging and your dramas. men are very simplistic when it comes to conversation. some men don’t like to delve into their problems about their boss or their problems with their car or the latest football result that annoyed them. you’ve been at home all day with the kids and your knackered they don’t want to come home and whine they want to come to relax not moan. i don’t believe for one second that if he takes ages to reply or doesn’t delve into why his day was crap or why hes moody that he doesn’t love you enough. some men to this day still like to put their woman first which for them means putting their problems aside to help you. men don’t do texting. after speaking to all the men in my family not one of them could agree to this statement! what do you think?  

comment bellow please, tell me what you think to this? and give me a follow for updates on the other 5 reasons he doesn’t love you enough!


so my day so far has been hectic and its only 12 pm!! my day started at 7 am this morning hen my adorable menace decided to get up! since then she hasn’t stopped! up to everything!

we came down the stairs at 830 am, got lights on set up the house for the day then put breakfast on. brilliant time because shes in her high chair. No nonsense well i say no nonsense, not strictly true but at least she’s contained in the one area and so is the mess!

washing basket over flowing, time to get the washing on. so while she’s  in her high chair watching repetitive kids TV i can start my work. 

first load in, 3 to go! tidied up from breakfast, total carnage everywhere! little monster running mad with a pair of pants on her head while im busy trying to get the kitchen under some sort of organisation. 

right that’s the jobs for this morning down for now, time for coffee. not noticing that Emily has sneaked passed me and taken all the yogurt out the fridge as im pretty flustered by this point! sit down with my coffee for just 30 seconds and in comes Emily! yogurt everywhere, hands, face, clothes and all over my living room! oh great! time to move again!

oh how i love the terrible two stage. 

all i’m hearing at the moment is no! im beginning to forget who’s boss here! 

managed to clear all the carnage up, time for her nap. hahaha oh how i laugh MY CHILD DOESNT SLEEP!! 

“emily are you going for nap baby?”


” but your tired?”


ok so shes grumpy extremely tired and wanting a sleep but to defiant to nap! so the battle continues!

12.31 lunch time carnage begins again! 

grumpy tired and hungry she wants scrambled egg, so that it is. looking around me, its all over the floor all over her and shes thrown everything about. shes definitely boss today! 

thank the lord my hubby is home on leave to help me through the madness! 

activities for this afternoon to try and entertain, calm down and develop speech today. weather outside is crazy! hailstones, rain and high winds. so books and coloring in it is.

lets just hope the day runs a little more smooth this afternoon.

live, laugh, love


This is me and my daughter. so this is who will be behind the writing of these blogs. just so you know!

sitting here writing my first blog is so exciting!! 

I am currently sitting at my table trying to think of what i should say to all of you people about me, about why i’m writing this blog and trying not to sound boring or repetitive. while being greatly distracted by the sound of Mr tumble (cbeebies) in the background.

who am i?

reading through other blogs to get ideas on how to start my blog and i seem to come across this question in every blog so here i will introduce myself in this very first blog.

I am a stay at home mum, no not lazy, extremely busy all day everyday until bedtime at 10pm! long gone are the days i would stay up all night watching pointless TV shows and doing dissertations. (urgh! boring i know)!

16 months ago i brought my beautiful naughty clever mischievous daughter onto the planet. best decision of my life. but this means my days are full of babbling, conversion that i have no idea what they are about, tantrums, mess and lots of fun and games and lots of screaming, screeching, yelling and stories I have no idea as to what they are about aside from the occasional word I can make out. like no.

great fun but extremely hard work and tiring.

My partner works abroad, lucky him! but this means a lot of the time i’m doing everything. but it also means a lovely break from hard work, too much housework and sleepless night when he arrives home for a few weeks.

I am also a fully qualified child development nurse.

what does this mean? 

I studied the brain development of a child for three years a university, this entailed; watching children, studying children and studying how to develop a child’s brain from birth throughout their life.

studying specific activities and tasks in order to help children along a road of development. activities to develop things like fine motor skills, gross motor skills brain development and also communication.

throughout my blogs I will be going through day to day things in my life, relationship goals, problems, hurdles o overcome and the outcomes, the daily living of being a stay at home mum to my beautiful yet extremely naughty 16 month old daughter who fully believes she’s an adult. I believe throughout studies over the years that this is called the terrible twos stage. (god help me). 

i will also be blogging about debates on mums, working mums and stay at home mums. are stay at home mums lazy? or are they doing the hardest job?

and also my relationship. quoting love statements are they true or do they cause trouble in the relationships? are they painting a false image on love?

i will be blogging about long distance relationships do they work? yes they do. As i mentioned above my boyfriend works abroad 2 months away minimum and 1 month home. yes its hard when you’re at that airport waving good-bye. but its important to stay in contact as much s possible, be cute. send letters, pictures, Skype calls little surprises. but most importantly when they come back make the most of every second together. 

so there is my insight. I hope you enjoy my blogs, take notes from it and guidance on silly things I post. and mummies out there, I will post lots on how to deal with the terrible twos and how to follow and develop your child. activities to entertain them and develop them at the same time.

enjoy! over and out!

please leave comments about my blog or like my blog!